Wow… I know I said I would blog more and honestly, I have blogged a thousand times in my head. It’s finding the time to put it “on paper” that seems to be the issue.
Since last we were together …
I made it through Thanksgiving and a week a travel and managed to lose 7 lbs. I am excited about that. It’s weird. I know I’m still big but I am shrinking. Noticeably shrinking and it feels awesome. I don’t think about food like I did before. It’s not my main focus and I really am enjoying that aspect of life. It’s going to be a long journey I know, as there are days when I want to eat like there’s no tomorrow. Let’s explore that, shall we?
So, on Thanksgiving, I knew that I would never be able to stick to my 1200 calorie limit and accepted and allowed myself the pleasure of eating and forgiving and I would be better the next day. It was going to be OK. So we get up in the morning and start the cooking. I planned ahead and bought a yogurt to eat in the morning. I didn’t nibble as much during the day as we cooked and when the time came to finally feast on all the yumminess we had fixed, I was starving. So, the old me kicked in and I fixed one huge plate, like I always do. In the back of my head was the little voice saying, you dummy, you had surgery and will never eat all that so STOP IT… Me being of sound mind, promptly ignored the little voice and kept going. Well, little voice was right and I got about ½ through the meal and started to feel full. But again, I ignore the little voice telling me to stop eating and keep going (see the pattern here?). I got maybe 3 more bites in and realize, crap, I hurt. So this must be what they warned me about that 1 bite could be over the limit and make me miserable. I really must start listening to that damn little voice. I ended up giving the remaining portion of my meal to the dog, who was happy as could be and I sat around most of the afternoon in pain. I didn’t eat anything again that day until we were one our way to Charlotte. I had a little snack and then ate a grilled cheese sandwich around midnight.
The rest of the weekend, I listened to the little voice and pushed away from the table when I was full.
The next week brought me to Houston. I was proud of myself for going to the gym at least once while I was away (exercise will be another blog). I made the healthiest choices I could while on travel. Sad news reached me while I was in Houston that my Uncle Charlie had been admitted to the hospital and wasn’t expected to make it. I was so very torn. I wanted to try to get home to say goodbye but was in a class work had paid for. Even if I had tried, I wouldn’t have been able to make it home. His body simply gave out and he was gone. The news really hit me hard because it was a reminder that my Daddy is really pushing the limits and won’t be around forever. The realist in me knows that Daddies don’t live forever, but the little girl in me says, YES THEY DO…
So from Houston, I came home for a day and then left for a couple days in New Jersey and Pennsylvania. I was happy to be there to support my Aunt Maggie and Cousins, Robin and Ruth. It was good medicine to be there with them and to lend a supporting shoulder but at the same time, be the baby cousin again. Funny how time has changed me and how much more I love to observe people more and more.
I mean this in a good way. Every family has their dysfunctions. That’s human nature. I’ve always wondered about the dynamics in other branches of our family. Spending time with my cousins and talking made me realize our two branches weren’t that different. It is somehow comforting to know. It was so neat to see my sister Marie and cousin Robin reminiscing about their childhoods. They have memories of my daddy and uncles and Gram that I’ll never have. They reminded me that we did have a lot of good times in this family even though we have had our own tragedies as well. They reminded me that we come from a long line of strong women. That in itself made my spine a little stronger and pushed me to keep reaching for my goals.
So, here’s what I’ve accomplished since the last blog in November.
Highest recorded weight was 315
Highest recorded weight at Dr. Long’s office was 312
Recorded weight this week at home (that’s 1st thing in the morning and naked) was 267
Recorded weight at Dr Long’s (with clothes and after lunch) 269.
Difference at home 48 lbs
Difference at Dr’s 43 lbs.
I like those numbers. I will really begin to celebrate after I hit the 73 lbs mark. That will mean I am losing new weight. Not weight that I lost and regained only to have to lose again. I celebrated this week by wearing clothes I haven’t worn in two years. I LOVE IT!!!