Friday, October 29, 2010

One week post surgery... Down 36 lbs

So, I am one week out from surgery and feel really amazing.  It has been 3 weeks since I’ve eaten any solid food.  What I hear from family and friends is they can’t believe I stuck to it.  I’m pretty surprised myself to a point, but what choice did I have?  The doctor said I had to do it to shrink my liver and quite frankly, I’m just now getting my appetite back since the surgery so it really wasn’t so hard after the 1st couple of days.

The surgery… what a day.  Tony and Dave kept me laughing all morning so I wouldn’t be so nervous.  God bless them because I was really scared.  I weighed in that morning at 282.  Which meant I had lost 30 lbs on my own before even having the gastric banding.  Some people even asked why I was doing the band if I showed so much success.  Well, guys, I had incentive and once the incentive goes away and people start accepting you at the smaller side and they stop commenting on how good you look, it gets really hard to maintain.  I know because I did this before with weight watchers when I lost 72 lbs.  Anyway, I digress… my surgery went well.  Less than an hour so they tell me.  I woke up in a lot of pain so the recovery nurse gave me Delauded and that’s when the fun started.  My already normally low blood pressure crashed to 50 over something and they had to pump me with fluid to flush the drug out and to get my pressure back up.  What was supposed to be a 1-½ hour stay in recovery turned into a 4-hour ordeal.  I didn’t care that much.  I was sleeping.  But, Tony and Dave were left to wonder what the hell was going on because no one told them what was happening.  I felt bad for them.  I finally got to a room and spent most of the night listening to the crazy neighbor next to me coughing and crying all night.

Friday dawned a gorgeous day.  I passed my upper GI test.  I was now the proud owner of a Realize band and the fluids were passing successfully through the band.  I could order my bariatric diet breakfast.  So I got to eat broth and popsicles and a protein shake for breakfast.  WOOHOO.  Tony, Dave and Carolyn came to get me and home I went to rest.

I put in for leave for the entire week following my surgery.  I told everyone that if I felt up to it, I would log in part days and stay up to date on my projects and email.  Well, you know what? I didn’t.  I have enjoyed this week to myself so much.  I didn’t really rest because I have so much energy.  I was able to get caught up on housework that I have been neglecting for so long.  The house looks good, I feel good but I am nervous as to how long all of these good feelings will last. 

My journey has just begun.  I have so much more to look forward to and things that are going to happen.  I am trying to take things one at a time and one day at a time. 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Day Before Surgery

So, I’m one day out from surgery and really starting to feel anxious.  I broke down last night and just cried.  I’ve been a little snappy at the people in my life and I truly don’t mean to be.  I just feel very alone right now.  I have some of the most supportive people in my life.  My sisters are the absolute best.  They love their baby sister and only want the best for me and want to see me healthy and happy.  I have some very close friends who are very excited for me.  I try to remain strong and put on a brave face, when inside I really am a nervous wreck.  

Through my blog, I am hoping to ease some of doubts I have and use this as my way of saying things I don’t normally say outloud.  Kind of put it on paper and then let it go therapy.  I will probably bounce around a lot as things come to mind. 
I know the surgery was my decision to make and I’m very happy that I am doing this.  But I’m also scared because I doubt my ability to stand up for myself and make the choices that will help me get to my goals.  I talked to a good friend yesterday and I said I never set goals and work towards them. It’s one of the things I really hate about me.  I’m horrible with follow through.  So he gave me a homework assignment to write down my top 10 goals and send them to him.  He would help me make sure I get there.  So I’ve been trying t think.  What are my top 10 goals in life?  No one has ever really asked me that.  

I’ve never really thought about goals before.  Sure, you say things like, I’m going to lose 10 lbs or I’m going to exercise every day.  But do you really reach them?  Some people do.  I envy those who set the bar at some level and reach it.  I have never been that strong.  Am I afraid of being happy with something?  Don’t know.  Something to really think about.  What would make Cheryl happy?  What does Cheryl want?  Not really sure yet, but I’m aiming to find out.
This is all for now.  I’m sure I’ll write more later.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Journey Begins

Welcome to my new blog... thanks to the help of an awesome friend, I have decided to begin a blog/journal of my struggles with being over weight and my journey to become healthy through gastric banding surgery. 

I hope that my journal will help others understand me better.  Who knows, I might even help someone work through their own issues with what I write.

So, step on up.. sit down, fasten your seat belts, keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times... and enjoy the ride.  I KNOW I will...