Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Day Before Surgery

So, I’m one day out from surgery and really starting to feel anxious.  I broke down last night and just cried.  I’ve been a little snappy at the people in my life and I truly don’t mean to be.  I just feel very alone right now.  I have some of the most supportive people in my life.  My sisters are the absolute best.  They love their baby sister and only want the best for me and want to see me healthy and happy.  I have some very close friends who are very excited for me.  I try to remain strong and put on a brave face, when inside I really am a nervous wreck.  

Through my blog, I am hoping to ease some of doubts I have and use this as my way of saying things I don’t normally say outloud.  Kind of put it on paper and then let it go therapy.  I will probably bounce around a lot as things come to mind. 
I know the surgery was my decision to make and I’m very happy that I am doing this.  But I’m also scared because I doubt my ability to stand up for myself and make the choices that will help me get to my goals.  I talked to a good friend yesterday and I said I never set goals and work towards them. It’s one of the things I really hate about me.  I’m horrible with follow through.  So he gave me a homework assignment to write down my top 10 goals and send them to him.  He would help me make sure I get there.  So I’ve been trying t think.  What are my top 10 goals in life?  No one has ever really asked me that.  

I’ve never really thought about goals before.  Sure, you say things like, I’m going to lose 10 lbs or I’m going to exercise every day.  But do you really reach them?  Some people do.  I envy those who set the bar at some level and reach it.  I have never been that strong.  Am I afraid of being happy with something?  Don’t know.  Something to really think about.  What would make Cheryl happy?  What does Cheryl want?  Not really sure yet, but I’m aiming to find out.
This is all for now.  I’m sure I’ll write more later.

No comments:

Post a Comment